Going Green

It amazes me how network television stations will change their logos to a green color and ask people to “go green” all because of earth day just because it’s popular to do so. I laughed last night as Ryan Seacrest stands on the stage of American Idol with millions of watts of stage and effects lighting blazing all around him and says “Idol is giving back to the environment by using green energy…at the finale in four weeks.”

Green is quickly becoming the most over used color in the spectrum…Why can’t we go blue? The sky is blue, the ocean is blue, the endangered blue whale is blue…but no, I guess green life on this planet has some kind of hierarchal priority over us non-green life forms. This enamorment with the color green has given birth to a whole new form of racism that spans all species of life rather than being concentrated within the human race. Pretty soon we’ll start hearing phrases like “Green Power!” and before we know it, the plants will revolt and ‘Attack of the Killer Tomatoes’ will finally become a reality.

In the spirit of Eco-friendliness, and to celebrate this past Earth Day while trying to prevent the Tomato uprising by not making them mad…I have developed a list of some things you can do to in order to be good ‘Stewards’ of this planet we all call home.

01. Save a tree, build miles and miles of unnecessary roadway in order to go around them.
02. Only buy green ketchup.
03. Paint your Hummer a green color.
04. Purchase the entire Captain Planet series on DVD and rather than driving your car to the store and causing more pollution, buy it online and have it shipped to your home in a large capacity UPS truck.
05. When drawing graffiti on public property, always use green aerosol spray paint.
06. Never cut your grass or pull weeds.
07. Build more wood-framed green houses.
08. Only ever eat green eggs and ham.